honesty

The boyfriend (now ex-boyfriend) and I talked tonight. We started talking about the final argument, which at first seemed like a pointless rehashing, but led to a productive conversation. I had this idea that we were breaking up because of a stupid argument, something ridiculous and fixable. The real issue though, is that when he is being honest with himself, he does not feel like we are a long-term match. He didn’t want to get married, then want out later. And I don’t want that either.

I cannot describe how much better I feel. I feel like there is closure because I know the truth. I didn’t destroy a perfectly good relationship because I was too stubborn to say I’m sorry first, or do all that I could do to make a wrong right. To not have that indescribable feeling that you’re with “the one”–that’s unfixable. You have it, or you don’t. And I think you need that bit of unprobable optimism when you commit to someone.

I thanked him for telling me the truth, which actually seemed to confuse him. I am not lying when I say that knowing the truth is the best-case scenario. I feel like I can move on. I understand why we broke up, why we won’t work out. I’m not angry, and the sadness will pass. I really want to be with someone who really wants to be with me, which is what I believe we all really want.