Still sick, but improving

It’s very, very cold here in Chicago. The coldest weather we’ve had in 11 months is en route. I just took the dog out for a sample of what’s to come. I’m fervently hoping that the marathon training scheduled for tomorrow morning is cancelled. Which makes me wonder what I was thinking about when I signed up.

Walking the dog isn’t much help. She doesn’t exactly walk. I passed a park the other day where a woman was standing, drinking a cup of coffee, and a few feet away, a large white fluffy dog (American Eskimo?) stood at the base of a tree gazing upwards longingly. I instantly recognized the squirrel hunt in progress.

I signed up with match.com to get back out of the house and do a little dating. So far I’ve gotten some nice emails from nice guys, but today I got a “wink” from a guy whose profile is full of platitudes from the bible and who describes himself as “ultra conservative.” I am mildly irritated by his laziness. I know women who do this, too, so this isn’t a slam on men, but I know he just scrolled through the pictures and winked at whoever looked cute. (Another guy recently contacted me, and when I wrote back and told him that we seemed to have some things in common, he confessed that he hadn’t actually read my profile before sending me a “she’s cute” wink.) So, now the onus is on me to read the profile carefully and decide whether we are well-suited.

Actually, only one of the guys who’ve written to me seems like a very good match, but it’s so hard to tell from what we write alone. There’s that very important in-person interaction, which isn’t about someone being “cute” but more that indefinable physical energy.

I’m working very hard at just chilling out and taking a far more relaxed attitude towards meeting men. I think–I know–that in the past I’ve just smothered opportunities with my expectations. I was not open to letting things happening organically. So, the goal now is to just go out, enjoy the conversation, relax. Learn to flirt, actually. How bizarre to be 38 and learning to flirt. It’s like learning to ride a bike, it feels that awkward and scary. I am going to fall and look stupid.

Total change of subject: I am very hopeful that today I get a job offer. I had a second interview this week for a job I really think I’d like. I am going to be pretty bummed if I don’t get it, but there it is. I’ll mope, pick myself back up, and continue to apply for jobs.

Another tangent: I am strangely, oddly, deeply touched by the people who’ve written to me that they read my blog. This fall has been a definite ebb in the flow of my life, and every time I read a little note from someone I don’t know, who has no obligation to read my stuff, it’s a little injection of hope. Thank you so much.

To  my friends who write me little notes: thank you, too, but no, Jason, I did not invite Taxi Mike in for some lovin’ on a cold winter night. I realize now that would have been the thoughtful thing to do. He gave me a free ride, I shoulda given him a free ride. I see that now. Next time!