Needs to be said: it’s still cold

I’m spending my day in my jammies, resting, mulling, thinking, and trying to rid myself of this pernicious cold.

I’m feeling a lot of love for Paperbackbook Swap these days. http://www.paperbackswap.com/index.php 

It’s very gratifying to me to be able to effectively recycle books, and get books in return. I’ve been going through my library again and again and again for candidates to swap. In an older box of books, I found a book about growing roses organically. This was cool when I had a house with a yard in Indiana. Not going to be used here in Chicago. In exchange for that, I got another volume for my Russian Reading Challenge. Actually, yesterday alone I posted 4 books that were immediately ordered up, which allowed me to order a total of 4 more books.

Other than actually acquiring books, I haven’t made a lot of headway on actually reading the books. I’ve really let myself get distracted by dating. One guy, anyway. He was driving me nuts. Sometimes, there are those people. Something about him was making me crazy, almost literally. I can’t explain it. The entire problem could literally be just me. But I know I didn’t like the way I felt when I talked to him, even, and it just needed to be done. Isn’t it weird, how . . . addictive? . . . someone can be. I didn’t know him well, and it’s not like he had Brad Pitt looks, and this was not a relationship that had any future, but there was something about his charisma. There was an unquestionable spark. That doesn’t happen every day, and it was hard to tell him to leave me alone, but it was just wrong. No good was going to come of it.

It’s hard to put the dating thing on a side burner. I like being in a relationship. I’ve spent most of my adult life very single already. I want to co-exist with someone. Share a hall closet. Want someone to care what time I come home. That kind of thing.

At the same time, I feel I’m at a crossroads of sorts. I’ve felt very much at the crossroads for the past six months or so. I feel as if one smallish choice will reverberate and trip a bigger consequence down the line. It’s difficult to explain. But I feel like if I can buckle down and focus a bit on a couple of key projects, something good and big will happen further down the line. And no one will ever know but me whether I pull the trigger on this. I don’t want to be alone, but I am, alone with my big weird thoughts.