Rhinoceros Running

I know I mentioned this quite a while ago, while I was reading The Year of Magical Thinking by Joan Didion: unemployment is something, like grief, we don’t ever really acclimate to. Knowing that next week I’ll rejoin most of the human race in the work-a-day world has really sunk in, and this heavy mantle of wet-scratchy-woolen unemployment has lifted considerably already. I’m so excited! Next week, I’ll have a desk, and a computer, and I will be joining a company that really, really wants me. The recruiter told me that they interviewed 62 people. And, I’ll have health insurance again! And regular deposits to my checking account!

My unemployment funk really lifted when the temp job said I didn’t need to come back–I could have verily wept with joy. The temp job said I was doing great, that I was really quite wonderful, but I was out too much with interviews. The temp coordinator at the employment agency actually thanked me for being so understanding. I almost asked her if she was kidding, but thought better of it.

So I puttered around downtown, peeked into my favorite stores:

H & M–nothing good; very disappointing

Forever 21–I know. I’m almost Forever 21 x 2, but they have a load of basic stuff for not a lot of money. Upstairs, they had these swanky dresses and blouses–really nice, actually, and totally appropriate for us mature women. They have a magnificent selection of wide-legged trouser-style jeans. Run–don’t walk–and get some. Virtually everyone looks better in wide-legged pants. Do not be tempted by the skinny jeans. Virtually everyone looks worse in skinny jeans. If you have any womanly curves–ANY–skinny jeans will create the visual impression that you don’t just have junk in your trunk, but rather, a freakishly ginormous elephantine ass. Seriously. And, just in case you don’t think you’re that girl, here’s a good general guideline: are you Kate Moss? If the answer is no, just set the pants down, nice and easy, and back away, and nobody gets hurt.

I could rationalize this purchase because my new job? pretty business casual. I think trouser pants in a dark denim are totally appropriate. Because hell will freeze over before I invest in any Dockers khaki pants.

(Also, since we’re reviewing stuff not to buy, add high-waisted pants or pleated front pants to that list, too. Both of these styles make your abdomen look distended. Most of us are killing ourselves in some pilates studio to eliminate that very problem. So, you can quit the pilates, and buy flat front pants, maybe even a size too big, so it looks like you’ve got plenty of room, which creates the illusion of being even smaller. No, I don’t know why I’m lecturing.)

I’m also trolling for a simple black leather clutch, just a basic going-out type of purse, but with a tiny bit of style, so I stopped into Loehmann’s and Nordstrom Rack. I also have an appreciation for shoes, but rarely the patience or adequate pharmacueticals to sort through the chaos that is Nordstrom’s. At the same time, I am haunted by the knowledge that there is something fantastic there, like the perfect pair of black wedge platform heels, just a simple shoe that provides just a little extra height (platform) and stability (wedge). I was disappointed in my quest for either a clutch (at a reasonable price), or fantastic shoes. 

Like a good Chicagoan–and although I was not born here, I very much consider myself a Chicagoan–I did not go into Macy’s-that-bought-Marshall-Fields.

Next, I went up to Belmont where there are a host of unpretentious boutiques, hoping to score that clutch. No such luck.

But, Taboo Taboo is right across the street, so I stopped by for some taboo shopping. Actually, because I loathe *DETEST* loathe pantyhose for their tendency to bind around the lower hip/upper thigh type of area, I have been a fan of thigh-high stockings for quite a while. And, I prefer the garter belt variety, because I don’t need the elastic chafing my thighs and creating a kind of faux-muffin-top type of situation that creates more chafing. These places tend to sell thigh-high stockings for very reasonable prices; probably because they are regarded as temporary props for post-date activities. I think that I knew that men liked that sort of thing, in theory, but I only recently got a taste of how much. I think it takes quite a bit of courage to put on a little naughty get-up, because as women, we’re all too aware of all of our wobbly bits, of our flaws, real and imagined, and we think that men look at us and see that, too. But most of them don’t. I think most of them appreciate us with our flaws, and still feel a tremendous amount of desire for our imperfections. I know there are men out there who are pretty indifferent to lingerie, but there are lots of guys who are decidedly NOT indifferent, and it’s like flipping a big switch. A really, really big switch.

As I type these observations, I wonder what I’ll think of lingerie when I’ve been with someone for 10 years, and I’m pissed because I can’t get him to take out the garbage, or we’ve had a fight about money. Will I still care about flipping his switch? I hope so.