Sending other people's children away to fight a "war."
Filed under: random thoughts
This is kind of a momentous week: Week 12. The end of my first trimester! A dear friend gave me a day-by-day pregnancy journal wherein it details exactly what’s happening in utero every day (hence, the day-by-day thing). Every day, something significant seems to be happening. One day, all the teeth and gums are formed. The next day? Vocal chords. And on and on and on. There is so much going on. I completely understand why I’m so exhausted. My body is doing amazing stuff.
Most of the time these days, I enjoy this kind of zen-ness. I’m extraordinarily patient, kind to strangers, generally chock full of the milk of human kindness. But right now I’m having a dark night of the soul, prompted by some contact with the baby’s father. After a few phone conversations wherein he tried to persuade me that he missed me, wanted to see me, and felt keenly that his life was missing something in me, I reminded him that I am still pregnant.
This seemed to surprise him somewhat. The next morning, he texted me that it was best that we not see each other again, and good luck to me.
Fast forward 10 years or so, when I need to more fully explain to our child about the biological father. Am I right to bring someone into this world knowing that half their ancestry will be a gaping hole?
Sometimes I think America is a tough place to raise a child. Kids grow up with crap on tv like Gossip Girl, the Simple Life, etc. I’m not actually fluent in tv these days, so there might be some really cool programming. Oh, Bernie Mac is kind of good, I think. He’s taking care of his sister’s children, struggling to discipline them and guide them and love them, without the emphasis on material things.
I’ve started down a road with a thesis I can’t fully support. I think it’s hard to raise a kid alone. I think it’s hard to raise a kid with other people. I think raising children is hard work, which isn’t to say that it isn’t worthwhile or enormously gratifying, which it obviously is, since the population is growing despite the availability of reasonably priced and effective birth control.
